Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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