The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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