i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the day after is always just damage control
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
