i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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