Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
