he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
