Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize