I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
