so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
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Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
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I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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