fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
this boner is exhausting
do herpes really smell.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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