Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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