I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
