So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
