dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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