Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Shame - the story of my life.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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