it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
