I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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