Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
His hands were made for my vagina.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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