Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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