Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
