dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
