btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Found your dick twin last night
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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