I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
