dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
