I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
sex in a hospital.. check
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
