o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
