I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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