Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
