I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
