We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I've blown a few things in my day
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He shit in the fireplace
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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