Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
