Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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