Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
