break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Everyone says I win the strip club
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
