I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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