You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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