Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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