My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
