I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
