so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
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