Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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