I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
