I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
