I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
