My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She's like a pop up book from hell.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
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I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
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Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize