your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
