You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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