you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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