I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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