I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
