What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
