I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
