So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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