So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just high enough for therapy.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
