he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize