Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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