Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
