I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
