White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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