Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
