I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
