I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
