He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Four minutes until I can fart!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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