Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
