ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
