I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
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Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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