ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
