Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
