idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
